Imperfect Perfection

“Road to Dreams”

Rant

Saturday, January 28, 2017 || Now Entering Memory: Saturday, January 28, 2017

Its not like as if there are people still reading this space. I just have to let this out..
I haven't been living my life that happily re rntly right on my birthday.
Family problems happen. Obviously these isn't related to me but I am dragged in.

I got to say this isn't about being in a family or not anymore.
I have come to a point whereby I already have a stand and all in my head and no one can really change it.

I don't care if you are my family, my parents.
It is no longer about filial piety any more.
It is about rights, justice, fairness and all.

I have been pushed to my limits, and I can't bear with this shit as days pass.

I was crying the other day out of frustration, stress and sadness.
My family saw me crying, they asked what is wrong with me and why I am crying.
It is just all the stress anger and hatred I have from my family that I couldn't bear with any more.
Not to mention I have a small short quarrel with my second sister.
They didn't know the reason why I cry.
I mean I am their family member I stay with them almost 365 days and they should roughly know me well. It is almost 20 years.
But they don't.
They call me lame, call me crazy.

Well if this is how a family is like or how family treats each other.
I don't know what to say.
I do not want to go to the point where I would really lose myself and start going in a real crazier manner.
Is there a need for me to harden my heart further?
Or probably just grab the collar of either of my family member's and look at them in the eye and tell them things while giving them punches or slaps.
Honestly, they deserve this.

I have come to a point where I don't even care about my own image or my family's when talking about this.

I don't want to hear anything about family and all bull crap.
Because they don't deserve what actual families are and supposed to be.

I am not bought over through money and materialistic wants.

10월

Tuesday, October 18, 2016 || Now Entering Memory: Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Year 2 Semester 2

During the holidays, I found out there are so many things I could be grateful and thankful for.

If I just let go of the dark side of my life and forget about it.

I love myself more now,

I am more happy.

I smile more.

Obviously, there is nobody reading this.
Just me talking to myself.

Of course, if I ever have something to my younger self.

I would have said something like love yourself more, don't hide yourself, talk more, socialize.

You should had found yourself friends.

7 월

Wednesday, July 20, 2016 || Now Entering Memory: Wednesday, July 20, 2016

안녕하세요 여러분, 저는 요즘 문제가 많이 있어요...

제 가족이 너무 어려워요. 저는 생각하면, 제 가족이 저한테 미워요.

As much as I want to make things lively here or in my life, I always find it hard with the things going around me.

No matter what I tell people about my family, they would say I am just thinking too much or ask me why I would say such a thing about them.

Well, things are always unseen behind the door.

Now, I feel like I have come to a point in life where these things slowly get shut out and does not bother me as much anymore.

Although I am shutting it out, I still have difficulties as a lot of things are going against me in this point of time.

Whenever it comes to decision, I am always unsure what I should do first.

But I am deciding to find another work soon, to feed my needs and for my future.

Risking my sleep & social life even more than before.

~~Reason being my parents refuse to give me money.~~

But I ain't letting this bring me down. I am going to grow stronger than before.

The actions my family does, does not make them have more authority over me.
However, shows me their character more than before as well as what they want to do to me.

I will not let them get what they want in their life.

Just because they think they are older than me and they can do whatever they want.

Also... hello to those who reads my blog often for the little updates in my empty forgotten space. I have really ran out of things I would want to say, even IF I have something I would want to say it wouldn't be interesting. ALSO, I would only be ranting.

If anything, I hope I am always given ideas and know who reads my blog but I bet its impossible. LOL.

54 / 366

Tuesday, February 23, 2016 || Now Entering Memory: Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Here I am in the middle of my End Semester Exam and on the way to work because my mum and sister went overseas and nobody could help my dad.

In 2016.

I achieved partial unicorn hair. CHANNELLED MY INNER UNICORN.

The colours all shown prettily here and right now it's tad bit faded.

Went to a character themed cafe, which was Rilakkuma for that period.

I lost my other photo of another rilakkuma dish but the curry one would do justice.

Had a formal presentation and enjoyed that day even though it was nerve wrecking

Yep that's all for now that is interesting in my life.

Byee XOXO

2016

Sunday, January 3, 2016 || Now Entering Memory: Sunday, January 03, 2016

Hello January 2016.

You came so quickly.

New year means new year resolution... right ?

So here's some of my resolution for myself to take note of whenever I come to this little space of mine which is quite dead.

1) GOOD GPA for Y1S2 and Y2S1

2) Exercise & be healthy

3) Work & earn money

4) Learn driving

5) Be Happy ^^

6) Be good

Well I bet there are others but just that I couldn't think of it currently.

Most important is happiness in family and self.

Recently, I slowly found myself letting things of the past that happened to me at home fading and it does not affect me as much.

Although there are some part of me regretful that I decided to spend my weekends over at my aunt's house but I think it is better this way to build myself up, because over at my own house sometimes it is THAT depressing I can't even handle and lived in misery with my unhappiness regarding myself.

So, I haven't been feeling bad and disliking myself and so.

So the previous month is my birthday,

there is a group of people I am super thankful for, not by sequence even though they are listed by first or if they are the ones I am most thankful for.

First, Poly mates.

They chipped in together for a cake, surprising me and also giving me a nice facial (:

Second,

HP,Don,Adrain & Eugene

Thanks for coming to my birthday even though I could not accompany you guys as much, I was kind of overwhelmed by the amount of people and I am unsure who I should accompany.

Third,

Darien, Haseo & Gary

Thanks for accompanying me for almost whole day and even traveled down to Marina Square with me to eat & try bingsu and even paid for kbbq

Fourth, my family & relatives

Who helped me with my birthday ;D

Last, my boy.

Thanks for being with me all these while and doing all the errands,

from buying snacks and drinks and even collecting my cake.

Well, for those who seen my cake, to make it sure it is my birthday present and I don't know how it looked like until that very day.

November

Tuesday, November 3, 2015 || Now Entering Memory: Tuesday, November 03, 2015

October had came to an end and I never got the chance to blog on the month @_@

First,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY KING.

~~who fought for his garlic bread~~

I hope you loved your good Japanese food day

Secondly,

Sem 2 started things kind of rocky, never understood what the hell I was taught and what I know is just bits and pieces. So worried that I am not able to do well for my MSA, worse what about my ESE at the end of the semester.

So stressed and thinking of how to maintain my GPA and stay in the honor roll and hoping I can still stay there of course, needless to say..

Lastly,

and throwback to bkk ):

Damn my hat hair ;^;

Update this space soon :3

always have the inspiration but always end up not having the time and forgetting what I am going to write ..

September

Wednesday, September 30, 2015 || Now Entering Memory: Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Half way through my holidays .

I wonder if this holiday, was well-spent.

So I have seen a quote or some sort of going like this

"Being busy is an excuse of not going out/hanging out with your friends. It is a matter of priorities."

Then I wondered. Am I really busy ?

I decided to stay at my aunts house during the weekends.

I usually spend my Mondays ~ Thursdays at my own home.

Working 2 jobs from Mon-Thu, and 1 on Fri.

I ended up spending my Fri and Sat with my boyfriend.

And Saturday I spend few hours studying Korean.

Leaving my Sunday for sleep in and slack where I can totally relax and have a me time.

Then I was thinking that I never went out once to catch up with my friends and so.

I was guilty as hell.

I ask myself again and again if, I am busy or not .

Did I set my priorities right.

Soon, school is reopening.

Then I have to study by the day and work by the night.

I am guessing my whole polytechnic life and teen life would be spent this way.

I doubt I have much say in this, but if I am given this life to spend it this way.

Then I'd spend it this way.

PEACE OUT